The Best 80’s Movie Quotes of all Time (or at least…in my opinion)

I ask you…has there been a decade for cult classic movies quite like the 80’s?

Sure, we looked like neon-clad linebackers (thanks to shoulder pads) with bad hair…but damn…did we have some kick ass movies during that time. See if you can name the 80s classics movies from whichew these famous quotes originated…(answers below)

1. “Oh, he’s very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids,   dweebies, dickheads – they all adore him. They think he’s a righteous dude.”

2. “Son, your ego’s writing checks your body can’t cash.”

3. “Hello! My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

4. “No more yanky my wanky. The Donger need food!”

5. “Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?”

6. “Beuller? Beuller? Beuller?”

7. “Ray, if someone asks you if you are a god, you say “Yes!”

8. “Wax on, wax off.”

9. “Yippee-ki-yay, motherf***er!”

10. “Nobody puts Baby in a corner.”

11. “I feel the need…the need for speed.”

12. “They’re hhhhheeeerrrreeee.”

13. “Sometimes, you gotta say…’what the f#ck’!”

14. “Life moves pretty fast. You don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

15. “I’ll be back.” 

16. “I’m not gonna be ignored Dan!”

17. “Strange things are afoot at the Circle K.”

18. “If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hour… you’re gonna see some serious shit.” 

19. “Lighten up Francis”

20. “What is your major malfunction, numbnuts? Didn’t Mommy and Daddy show you enough attention when you were a child?”

21. “Yes, it’s true. This man has no dick.”

22. “Lunch is for wimps.” 

23. “I gave her my heart, she gave me a pen.”

Answers: (1) Ferris Beuller’s Day Off, (2) Top Gun, (3) The Princess Bride, (4) Sixteen Candles, (5) The Breakfast Club, (6) Ferris Beuller’s Day Off, (7) Ghostbusters, (8) The Karate Kid, (9) Die Hard, (10) Dirty Dancing, (11) Top Gun, (12) Poltergeist, (13) Risky Business, (14) Ferris Beuller’s Day Off, (15) Terminator, (16) Fatal Attraction, (17) Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, (18) Back to the Future, (19) Stripes, (20) Full Metal Jacket, (21) Ghostbuster, (22) Wallstreet, (23) Say Anything


NCIS…DiNozzo’s Many Names for McGee

If you were to walk into my house at any given time, you’re likely to find the TV playing NCIS, Law & Order: SVU or Criminal Minds reruns (that is…when I’m not watching True Blood or Vampire Diaries. I know…vampire shows. I don’t get my obsession either…cold, pale, brooding dudes are not really my thing. I’m more for the nicely tanned, warm variety with a sense of humor. Shit…maybe I’m anemic.)

Anyway, I toggle between USA Network, A&E and Cloo. I can’t get enough of these shows – especially NCIS’s Anthony DiNozzo…he’s cute, he’s snarky and he has a penchant for calling fellow agent, Timothy McGee “Mc-something” insulting!

Check out this McGee Nickname montage:



Mamma Goes to the Hustler Store


If you’re easily offended…this blog post is NOT for you (but frankly…it should be!)

So, my book club was having our own “50 Shades of Grey” party and, in the spirit of the book, decided to have a “naughty gift exchange”. Since most of us weren’t sex toy savvy, I decided it warranted a trip to the local sex store: Hustler.

Thank you Larry Flynt.

I am not ashamed. I am not embarrassed to have ventured where no missionary position-loving mamma has gone before. I went forth bravely into the world of SEX paraphernalia and emerged with a frequent buyer card.

Okay…maybe not the frequent buyer card.

Here’s a first hand account of the Hustler Store experience (along with some “helpful hints” for Larry)

First…They need an “incognito entrance” for those of us who, while not ashamed to be there, don’t want to advertise to the outlet mall crowd (which is right across the street) that we’re shopping there! It’s right off the outlet mall exit at Monroe and FACES THE ROAD!!!

So, I walked in and was relieved to discover that it wasn’t as “seedy” as I thought it would be. I was greeted by two perky younger girls who said, “Hi hon…what can we help you with today?”

Oh…the myriad ways I could have answered that question! But I left it with, “Oh…I’m just browsing”…so I looked like an even bigger weirdo. I’m guessing not many people drive all the way to the Hustler Store just to “browse”…if you’re there…you usually have a distinct purchase in mind!

Anyway…OMG!!! For a novice…one wouldn’t even know where to begin! Which leads me to my second recommendation for Larry…

A “Self-diddle” Dabbler section for those who want to “try” self-gratification but don’t want to commit the big bucks yet! And let me tell you…the “high quality” toys aint cheap. The ones that are?…You’d probably do just as well with your garden variety cucumber.

One thing I was especially curious to check out were “the balls” that Christian and Anastasia used in the book. You remember – when she had them in while they were at the gala at his parent house and she nearly had a “When Harry Met Sally” orgasm moment several times over??? I had to check it out for myself. Here they are…

In reality…they’re about the size of marbles. How in the hell is THAT going to give me pleasure? In theory…what goes up (as in the balls) must come down…right? But shoved up my “anatomical bridge to nowhere” that served as a birth canal three times over, they’d go up and be blown out my nose hours later.

So I asked the store lady: “How in the hell do you know that you’ll ever get these out?”

Store lady: “Well…frankly…that concerns me too so I recommend the balls that are attached to a little cord…kinda like a tampon, for easy ‘retrieval’.”  (Hhhmmm…I may have to live with loose Kegels and peeing when I laugh)…

So, fyou could get these…”Magic 8 Balls”

I don’t know about you, but my pelvic muscles already feel tighter. And the added benefit? Feeling a little doubtful about how he’s feeling about you? Shove these puppies in, ask a question, jump up and down and few times, pull them out and viola…you’ll have your answer!

They had rows of porn movies, fetish paraphernalia (whips, handcuffs, riding crops, gags…I could think of several non-sexual uses for these!) and entire wall dedicated to your ass. After hitting this section of the store, my butt cheeks were permanently clenched.

For example…”The Booty Rocker”…

Honestly, I could anchor my light up, outdoor Santa with this thing. Who buys this stuff????

I must be old…I have enough trouble keeping things coming OUT of that orifice!

And for your vibrating pleasure…you too can have a Soraya Black for a mere $200…

$200??? Is it turbo charged??? 200 horse power so when this puppy comes on you can “ride” it like Seabiscuit??!!! With vibration like that, my 44-year-old insides would be permanently rearranged with my ovaries in my armpits.

They even had a table dedicated to “50 Shades of Grey” and “toys” that were mentioned in the books themselves. In the end, for our “naughty gift exchange”, I bought handcuffs made out of candy (a la the candy necklaces of yore) and a “pocket” vibrator in the shape of a bunny…

Now that’s something every women wants stuffed in HER Easter basket!!

50 Shades of Grey…Creating 40-year-old “Femme Fatales” One Chapter at a Time

So, my book club is reading 50 Shades of Grey this month. Of course, I’m already on book 3 – 50 Shades Freed but that’s for another day.

Anyway, in order to get into the spirit of the book that has changed the way married couples have sex, I decided to incorporate a “Naughty Gift Exchange” into our usual over dinner discussion. Everyone was to go out and buy a…ahem…”toy” to wrap up and exchange at some point in the evening.

It went over like a french kiss at a family reunion.

Why??? I don’t get it. Everyone is jumping on the BDSM bandwagon, as evidenced by a recent USA Today article entitled “Many chain stores now add a Toy aisle for adults”…

CVS, Walgreens, Kroger, Safeway, Target and Walmart are among major national chains that now include vibrators on store shelves. These devices (also known as personal massagers or vibes) have been around a long time, but their availability on the mass market is relatively new. Condom makers Trojan and Durex are among brands that have expanded product lines to include vibrators, starting with small vibrating rings. Durex launched its first handheld vibrator in 2008, Trojan in 2010.

“We’re talking about the Walgreens and CVSes of the world — not the dot-coms and sex shops and things of that nature,” says Durex senior brand manager Alan Cheung of the U.S. headquarters in Parsippany, N.J.

So why isn’t anyone blushing?

With the erotic Fifty Shades trilogy still topping best-selling book lists and a movie (Hysteria) about the invention of the vibrator opening across the USA this week, the summer is starting out steamy. Sexperts cite a combination of factors, including marketing that targets average women. They also trace societal changes to 1998, when a Sex and the City episode broached the subject of vibrators. And in the early 2000s, Tupperware parties gave way to parties selling vibrators and sex toys.

“People are more comfortable than ever talking about vibrators and the idea of having one,” says Bruce Weiss, vice president of marketing for Trojan, based in Princeton, N.J.

Even the fact that vibrators are the focus of a feature film illustrates how times have changed. Hysteria is a period comedy set in 1880s London.

“Couples are less willing to tolerate lousy sex,” says sex therapist and clinical psychologist David Schnarch of Evergreen, Colo. “People have much higher expectations.”

I like to use the “Hotdog” analogy

Say that for 20+ years (the average length of time that most 40 something couples have been married) you ate nothing but a plain old hotdog on a bun…every night for dinner.

Even though you LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your hotdog…after 20+ years, it might start to get a little bland…but you eat it anyway because you still love it.

Then…one night…you introduce a little SPICEY MUSTARD…and viola! You’ve breathed new life into your beloved hotdog. It’s new…it’s fresh…it’s exciting! Then, you realize…your options are ENDLESS! You can add ketchup, relish…hell, even onion to your cherished hotdog and it just gets better and better.

Sometimes…you might even want to go back to the plain old hotdog because you’ve missed the simpicity of it. And that’s ok!

You just now know that you CAN teach an old “dog” new “tricks” (or in this case…”trick out” and old “dog”!)

Ian Somerhalder…the Big Screen’s Christian Grey? Who Should Play Anastasia?


Could we be looking at the big screen’s version of Christian Grey???? I would pay HIM to be his submissive!!

With a dominant who looks like him, who wouldn’t misbehave just to get spanked!

Rumor has it (US Weekly to give credit where credit is due) that the Vampire Diaries hunk is said to be in contention for the coveted role of Christian Grey…the multi-billionaire stud in E.L. James’s hugely popular triology, “50 Shades of Grey.”

Dubbed “mommy porn”, the controversial book series follows college graduate (and lucky bitch!) Anastasia Steele as she meets and enters into a weird, twisted relationship with billionaire Grey…who is into the whole dominant-submissive thing.

Come on…I love me some Robert Pattinson, but would Ian have made an awesome Edward Cullen or what????

BTW…I am now on book three (“50 Shades Freed”) of the “Grey” series. I actually loved book two (“50 Shades Darker”) even better than book one!

My husband is annoyed, foreseeing a Twilight-like obsession brewing for the next few years!

If you’ve read the books (or at least the first one), who do you think would make a good Anastasia Steele? She describes herself as a “pale, brown-haired girl with blue eyes too big for her face”. Any of these ladies? I’m thinking Emma Stone or Amanda Seyfried. (From top left clockwise it’s Emmy Rossum, Missy Peregrym, Shailene Woodley, Rachel Bilson, Emma Stone and Amanda Seyfried.

True Confessions: Father “John” Meets the Bi#ch from the Burbs

My youngest daughter is making her confirmation tomorrow.

Part of the process is the idea that one should enter their life as an official member of the church, free of sin. So I thought…perhaps now would be a good time to “clean my slate” as well.

Going to confession is still not something I’m comfortable with…especially these days. It’s not like the movies where you walk into a room and a faceless priest sits behind a partition (so he can’t see you either) and you go about confessing all of your dirty deeds.

Oh no…these days it’s more like sitting down with Oprah and my “sins” read like a 10 Top List on Letterman.

My most recent trip to confession was all downhill from the beginning…

Me: Forgive me Father for I have sinned, it’s been…hell, how long has it been? 5 years?Sh#t…I said “hell”…Oh my God…I mean gosh…can I start over?

Priest: You’re fine…go ahead. (Did he just roll his eyes? HOW UNPRIESTLY)

Me: Ok thanks. I have a kind of list here…(I dig in my purse to find it, taking out and accidentally turning on my Ipod that my son had been listening to while he was cutting the grass. Unfortunately, it started to play…loudly…the last song he’d listened to (“Get Low”), with lyrics that went something like…

“To the windowwwwwww, to the wall, to the sweat drop down my balls, to all you bitches crawl.”

And worse yet, I was unconsicously singing along while searching for my damn list of “sins.” Thankfully before the “Get yo ass over here ho” line…I found it.

Me: Okay, so here goes…I cuss…and I like it. You know…”darn”, “shoot”, “frickin'” just doesn’t pack the punch that “damn”, “sh#”…

Priest: I GET IT. Go on…

Me: Oh sorry Father…I just get talking and…anyway. I ate all the Reeces Peanut Butter eggs out of my kids’ Easter baskets and blamed my husband. I also colored eggs camouflage for the Easter egg hunt. I think they’re still “hunting.” Sometimes, I fart and blame my husband…or the dogs.

Priest: (I think he stifled a snicker) Go on…

Me: Speaking of my dogs…sometimes, when I’m de-pooping the backyard I fling the terds into my neighbor’s yard. That and the dead mice that wind up in the pool filter. That could be considered fertilizer…right?

Me: The other day, I got so tired of my daughter’s room being a pig sty – honestly…the Kardashians could be living in there and no one would ever know, but…

Priest: Who?

Me: You know Kim? Big butt? Now dating Kanye? Ugh…Hollywood marriages…they never last. Any hoo…I was making a point that sh#…sorry, crap could be living in her room and she’d never find it, so I set an alarm clock to go off and hid it in her room. Drove her crazy! It was great! But kinda mean…

Me: Wow…you guys should get like a couch in here or something. Then I could relax! This is great – no one EVER listens to me like this! I could talk for hours…

Priest: Praise God…no

Me: What Father? Did you say something?

Consequently, he promptly forgave me and asked me to leave.



The Hunger Games with Social Media: If Katniss Could Tweet

Imagine if Katniss could have Tweeted or posted status updates to Facebook during the games.

At the reaping:

@reaping. OMG I’m goin to games with the Pillsbury Dough Boy. #FML

Somebody needs an ambush makeover#wtf…

At the Capitol for training:

#who I’d like to kill first: Clove and Cato (aka bitch and butthead)







LMS if you think he looks kinda hot:









Look who gets to give ME a makeover! #Suck it bitches!


In the arena:

Here Cato…have some toilet paper#whatadick









#Poisonous or not? Should I eat this? God I miss Gale…