Damn that Easter Bunny.
Just when I’ve finally walked off the Halloween candy, in hops that perpetually pooping rodent of doom.
Why do I feel the sudden urge to go all “Fatal Attraction” on his cotton-tailed ass?
As I was sitting here this morning with my morning cup of coffee and bag of Reeces peanut butter eggs, I came across a story about what’s in your Easter basket…calorie-wise. I was so pissed at what I read, I went to my Easter stash and bit the heads off of all the chocolate bunnies in protest.
Take THAT!
Not wanting to discriminate, I beheaded all of the Peeps. Then I felt guilty. Really…I was feeling an undigested wad of processed marshmallow in my stomach, which, along with the gummy bunnies I’d eaten the day before were probably sticking together and growing like an abdominal snowball.
I was suddenly overcome with visions of the headlines: “Suburban Mother of Three Dies on Operating Table as Doctors Fail to Remove a 10 lb Gummy Marshmallow Tumor Stuck in her Gut.”
Anyway…I digress. Let’s face it…if the Easter Bunny delivered a basket full of fruit, fiber and whole grains – my kids would toilet paper their own house! It’s an Easter Basket…it’s tradition…it’s supposed to be full of teeth rotting, cellulite inducing, zit producing crap!
Easter of course is about resurrection of Jesus Christ AND the restoration of all of our Lenten sacrifices…which for many wll involve a smorgasbord of sugary treats!
But in the spirit of sharing, here’s what I discovered (as if we care…Long Live the Sugar-holics!)
Cadbury Eggs (1 frickin’ egg): 170 calories, 6 grams of fat
Solid Chocolate Bunny 1.75 oz (who the hell knows how big that is height-wise but oh well) 298 calories, 18 grams of fat (I knew I hated rabbits)
Dove Chocolate Eggs Dark chocolate: 4 eggs…4???? Are you kidding? Try 4 AT A TIME! Anyway…4 dark chocolate eggs: 148 calories, 9.2 grams of fat; milk chocolate: 160 calories, 9.2 grams of fat
Jelly Beans 20 candies, 160 calories, 0 grams of fat
Jelly Bellys 20 candies, 80 calories, 0 grams of fat
Peanut M&Ms .7 ozs, 110 calories, 5 grams of fat
Peeps 5 peeps, 160 calories, 0 grams of fat
Robins Eggs (i.e. Malted Milk Balls…only prettier) 4 pieces, 90 calories, 2.5 grams of fat
Reeces Peanut Butter Eggs (again…1 frickin’ egg!) 180 calories, 11 grams of fat
Boil the water bitches! It’s rabbit stew tonight! 😉
The Emptying Nest 