Ode to Aging Boobs









When I was but a tweenage girl,
And showing cleavage wasn’t an issue,
I went to the mall,
And got “My First Bra”
And stuffed it full of tissues.

And then after months of stuffing,
The boobs were finally there,
My dad threw fits,
Cuz now I had tits,
And boys had begun to stare.

Perky, full and beautiful they were,
Standing at attention,
But little did I know,
The direction they’d go,
Of this, no one had mentioned.

After popping out a few babies,
And nursing them as well,
They began to deflate,
At a record rate,
And my nipples suddenly pointed to hell.

Now room temperature dollops of sour cream,
I went from a C to minus A cup,
And here’s the thing,
I need a belly button ring,
As a hitch to hold them up.

My husband doesn’t understand,
And he’s tired of my rants,
But I bet he’d feel bad,
If he suddenly had,
His balls hanging from beneath his pants.


A Beautiful Moment Between a Lion and his Cub…and the “before” pictures you didn’t see!

It is touching if I do say so myself.

Wildlife photographer Suzi Eszterhas did a fabulous job of capturing the moment when “father and son” met for the first time…






Awww…and this playful moment…






Of course, we’ll call him “Larry” Lion…he’s been out schleppin around the hood, terrorizing gazelles, probably humpin’ other lionesses, while Mama Lion’s nipples are cracked, bleeding and dragging on the ground behind her after nursing her baby for 7 weeks.

Afternoon lion delights don’t look so loving…

If lions could talk, I’d imagine the dialogue being something like…

Larry: “I SAID HOLD STILL! I AM the king of the jungle after all!”

Mama: “Ugh…Good God…smells like someone had some antelope ass for lunch. Get a Tic Tac or somethin’ butt breath.”

And then…




Mama: “What an ass…hopefully he thinks I’m sleeping now!”