When I was but a tweenage girl,
And showing cleavage wasn’t an issue,
I went to the mall,
And got “My First Bra”
And stuffed it full of tissues.
And then after months of stuffing,
The boobs were finally there,
My dad threw fits,
Cuz now I had tits,
And boys had begun to stare.
Perky, full and beautiful they were,
Standing at attention,
But little did I know,
The direction they’d go,
Of this, no one had mentioned.
After popping out a few babies,
And nursing them as well,
They began to deflate,
At a record rate,
And my nipples suddenly pointed to hell.
Now room temperature dollops of sour cream,
I went from a C to minus A cup,
And here’s the thing,
I need a belly button ring,
As a hitch to hold them up.
My husband doesn’t understand,
And he’s tired of my rants,
But I bet he’d feel bad,
If he suddenly had,
His balls hanging from beneath his pants.
The Emptying Nest 